How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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