He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
