I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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