You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize