So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
