did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
