the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
