I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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