I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
