try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize