Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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