I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this will be a night to untag.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
