I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
