my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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