how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your penis caused this!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
