Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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