Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm bleeding and have questions
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
