i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
