saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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