i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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