Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize