I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
