making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
