I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
