We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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