Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
