Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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