Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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