have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
