halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
