U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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