we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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