Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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