if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
