u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
