Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
