there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
