i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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