If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
