dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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