I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
