plz talk dirty to me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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