the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
