My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
