I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
