In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
