I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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