it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
