He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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