Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The power of my boobs compel you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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