Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
