She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
