By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
