On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just cropdusted the office
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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