I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
