need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
