I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
