**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
