I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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