In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize