Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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