Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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