I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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