The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
