Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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