I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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