So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
