she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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