I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am naked and annoyed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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