I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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