You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize