Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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