Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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