Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
