I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
