they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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