That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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