honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
