I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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