from now on my penis is your penis
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
