oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
