Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
