Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
