After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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