At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think your dad took our porno
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
