Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
