Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
