I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
