so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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