i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
