So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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