I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
