I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
