I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize