Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
