omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
