I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize