His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
