just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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