he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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